Stupid Boy


She has a look of not altogether belonging to today. She is the past, the present, she is the future, my future. From the day I first laid my eyes upon her so many years ago  I knew, you always know. Stupid boy, back then I was such a stupid fearful boy.  Maybe, sigh, maybe I will be lucky enough to have her once  again, smart enough to not throw her away this time. What am I saying, I already have her back,  she is right here in front of me. In reality she has always belonged to me, we have always belonged to the other .  Frustrating, so damned  frustrating! She is not the problem, I am the fucking problem. Within her eyes I see the truth, what has always been my truth.  She has always been the only one that calms the beast within me, the one who brings me peace, the only one I have ever loved, dreamed of,wanted.  Watching  her now, how her body moves,  her smile when  she looks at me. This woman,this amazing creature sees only me,  wants only me,  needs only me, in truth, she loves only me. I know this to be the absolute truth because  she is so God Damned fearless when she tells me.  How can my greatest gift, my greatest blessing be my greatest curse. To have her within my reach, know she belongs to me, but where my life is now prevents me from taking her,  loving her the way I want to . Correction, I prevent me, my pride, my ego, and a misguided sense of obligation! What a stupid fool am I, a man and a fool trapped between two worlds.

Intoxicating, does she even know how hard it is for me to stay away, she makes it hard,she does it on purpose. She knows and  doesnt care because she loves me. The way her sleeve drops off her shoulder, the sweep of her breast that lays a clear  path to where my lips long to be.

She draws closer, I feel her, the softness of her skin, the way her hair smells of Jasmine as she climbs into my lap and it falls around us. I can feel her need for me ,her warmth as she grinds down into me and feels how hard I am, how badly I need her, ache for her.

Her lips, God her lips taste like honey as she kisses and lick mine  playfully, seductively….

Excerpt from a Book Written By Elena Servidio -Schwinn

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